Hatefully Charming.

Brandy For Sale is no more.

2011-02-11T19:04:00.000-05:00

Hey all-

I've moved! Alert the press (and my parole officer).

You can find me here:

www.brandybarber.com

I'm on Twitter:
@BrandyBarber

Thanks for reading this old blog, if you do or ever did. Mom, my one and only reader, this means you.

Broads I Like: E.G. Daily

2010-01-27T00:31:00.000-05:00

I like E.G. Daily. I think she's darling and I love that she was in all sorts of movies I loved when I was growing up being, in turn, sexy & conniving (Valley Girl), fey & gamine (Pee Wee's Big Adventure) and singing her heart out in a kick ass silver ruffled cocktail dress (Better Off Dead).

She's a voice over queen and a musician, and I think she's kick ass. I even forgive her for this disturbing photograph (she apparently was married at one time to the very same twerp that porked The Orifice That Shall Go Unnamed, pictured here to the left, in a particular "sex" tape).

My pal Sara Jo started a Facebook fan page for other E.G. Daily lovers, and you should look it up and join it. I will link to it when I feel like it.

So...I re-quit as of Tuesday.

2009-05-28T14:59:00.003-04:00

I've quit smoking about 3 times now, give or take. I quit after I got pneumonia at my friend Oren's pool party; I quit after my friend Glennis's 30th b-day; I quit when packs in NYC went up to 10 bucks.

Each time, I've done great right out of the gate. Then, I allow myself one or, even worse, allow myself to be talked into one. It's sad. I've decided that I no longer like this.

I am going to start an informal list of reasons why I quit. I think there's some sort of ad campaign that does the same thing (probably to get you to take some drug the pharmaceutical companies are peddling thru some sort of handshake with the tabacco industries) but, they can go screw. This is for me. Enjoy (and, like me, hope this sticks).

Reason #1: My friend Daniel burned me with his cigarrete & left a scar when we were on a smoke break together.

Real creepy-like.

2009-04-14T17:28:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, the Quote Of The Day site reads my mind and freaks me out.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.
- Russell Baker

Eerie.

Other times, I want to pee on whoever makes the quote selections:

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.: Abraham Maslow

Mortified Love Edition

2009-02-13T16:05:00.001-05:00

Mortified Love Edition
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Thanks Anya!

Rent My Smith Street,Brooklyn Apartment!

2009-02-06T18:51:00.003-05:00

So, the time has come for me to vacate my Smith Street diggs after 6 wonderful years...giving you all 1st crack as we are on the lease until July 31st, 2009 and want to make sure it's rented March 1st no matter what. Details:

-2 bedroom, one bath apartment with large kitchen full of storage, den AND living room-seriously! It is HUGE.
-Located on corner of Smith & Baltic Streets
-2nd floor of privately owned building- we are the only tenants
-Rent is currently $2,100.00 thru May '09 lease (That includes heat, electricity and water - gas separate, about $20 a month)
-Landlord and family live in apartment below
-3 Min. to F Train, 10 min walk to A/C/2/3/4/5/N at Borough Hall
-1 large bedroom with closet, one smaller bedroom with no closet- 2 closets in hallway with plenty of space
-Large kitchen with dishwasher, tons of cabinet space, full sized appliances (great for a cook)- enough room for a bistro table too!
-1 bathroom, bathtub/shower combo with frosted glass doors, fully tiled
-Large living room and den- the common space in this place is insane and is the best feature. 5 windows, 3 facing Baltic Street and 2 facing Smith so lots of fresh air and natural light. All bedrooms have windows as well.

There is a laundromat around the corner and apartment is across the street from a grocery store, very convenient. Wired for cable. Safe, always busy bustling neighborhood- you get a little noise sometimes because we are right on the corner but, nothing a nice white noise machine or the air conditioner won't mask nicely.

This block is full of every boutique they write about in LuckyMagazine each month and peppered with restaraunts & swanky cocktail lounges that make befuddled Manhattan dwellers sulk of the F train(Char. #4, Clover Club, The Grocery, Po)

It's an AMAZING space, very cozy and warm with lots of legroom. You have to see it to believe the cost for the location...insane.

We'll start showing it officially Feb.17th- contact me for an appointment, before we hand it off to a broker!

Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job is the best thing of all time and fuck you if you don't agree.

2009-02-02T17:40:00.001-05:00

Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Season Quad! from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

Shine On, You Crazy Southern Diamond.

2009-01-04T18:33:00.007-05:00

I was noodling around online, in an aimless lazy Sunday search for the names of Paula Deen's various dogs. On the TV as background noise was an episode of a Food Network show that detailed Paula helping what has to be the most boring couple I have EVER seen renovate their boring kitchen in their BOOOOOORRRRIIIIINNNNGGGG house. I mean, between the two of them they have the personality of a piece of discarded gum. Example: after the reveal, the mouse-wife raises her voice about one notch to semi-whisper, "Oh my GOSH...there's ducks!" Never were more profound words uttered.

So of course you can see why I was more intrigued by the idea of Paula's dogs...and my search led me to a post on TV Squad and, the ensuing comments. The winner of the bunch is posted here in its entirety.

After reading this comment, I have decided that I sincerely wish the terrorists would bomb Middle America next time. Specifically, the petty mean-spirited c*@t who wrote this tripe. She strikes me as the type of Southern shrew who chuckles over her family's slave owning past as if it's kind of a quaint affectation. I hope she chokes on her sweet tea, I really do.

Enjoy!

DO AS I SAY.

2008-12-30T19:11:00.003-05:00

I found out about Dri on Crossfade, the blog generated for Download.com (which is a leg of the ever helpful CNet.com). I really love this blog, I found out about so much great new music here and I am super devoted to it. Anyway iTunes & Amazon are funally carrying Dri's amzing album Smoke Rings as a full download so, I think you should check it out. Well worth it- only 8 bucks on iTunes right now.

This song should be enough inspiration as to why. It is and has been, my theme tune for the past few months.

Bye!

Just add milk...but never after midnight!

2008-12-29T05:26:00.003-05:00

As you may well be aware, I was kind of obsessed for a while with the film Gremlins as a child. I mean, who wasn't? It was second only to Ghostbusters at the box office when it opened. It even had its own cereal (which, I might add, was really tasty and was similar to Cap'n Crunch). Plus, you can see Robby the Robot and Steven Spielberg in cameos in it. And a tiny Corey Feldman, pre- meth.

I liked it so much, I even cribbed Phoebe Cates's very black comedy monologue from it for one of my own films. Feel free to compare them below, and let me know what you think:

Oh, you shouldn't have!

2008-12-23T05:52:00.003-05:00

No, REALLY. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE, in fact. What a nightmare orgy of consumerist crap this country has spun itself into. Sheesh:

Summer Heights High: WATCH THIS NOW.

2008-12-22T04:10:00.004-05:00

I really cannot say enough how impressed I am with this show. If you have HBO or access to HBO OnDemand at someone else's house, you really need to do yourself the favor of sitting down to watch it. It's an amazing Australian comedy series that HBO acquired and is currently airing.

It's that good. Take my word - Chris Lilley is a genius and you'll be hearing a lot about him very, very soon. In this show, he plays the three main characters, all of whom are subtly costumed but so amazingly spot on you won't realize that you're watching a 35 year old man play a 16 spoiled private school diva. Or a troubled Tongan teenager who loves breakdancing. Or a racist, small minded drama teacher.

Head on over to HBO and take a gander at Summer Heights High.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part III: South Central Chihuahua!

2008-10-17T17:56:00.002-04:00

Compliments of The Soup, which makes me glad to be alive on a weekly basis.

"And you know how the blacks love to tap dance!"

2008-10-16T14:41:00.002-04:00

I thought everyone was kidding about this Joe The Plumber crackpot, who popped up so much in the most recent presidential election debates...it seemed so obvious that the guy was lured to interject his lame ass into a press conference by some McCain/Republican party flack. I was about to advocate that we all just utilize the "Ignore it and it will go away" tactic I've advised be applied to the Hilton sisters (with mild success, I might add), until I read this NY Times article, quoted below:

Mr. Wurzelbacher told Ms. Couric that his encounter with Mr. Obama was a matter of impulse.
“Neighbors were outside asking him questions, and I didn’t think they were asking him tough enough questions,” he said.

He went on, “You know, I’ve always wanted to ask one of these guys a question and really corner them and get them to answer a question,” he said, “for once instead of tap dancing around it. And unfortunately I asked the question, but I still got a tap dance.”

He added, “Almost as good as Sammy Davis Jr.”

I mean...did that just happen?!? Am I the only one who read that?!? More importantly, this moron's grousing about how he's eventually going to make enough to be taxed (supposedly), and that he doesn't want to help out others since he worked so hard for his money and that would be "socialist" to pay more taxes, in order to make sure everyone in the United States is taken care of, not just the privilidged...wow. Racist, selfish and stupid, all in one fell swoop? Amazing. It takes a country as great as ours to spit out ninnies like this.

I need a Scotch.

Chihuahua Fatwah, Part II: The End Is Nigh!

2008-10-15T16:23:00.005-04:00

You know when you see an old man with creepy eyes- the kind with those sort of milk white, opaque corneas- and he's lurching about on the F train, clad in some sort of dun-colored garment, decrying the end of the world as we all know it? And you sort of snicker, and turn up your iPod, and shove your nose further into the copy of The New Yorker you're half-reading, half using as a sort of mace to poke the person sitting next to you who keeps moving too close for comfort?

Well, sad to say it, but it would seem, based on this past week's box office #1 hit, that that old cuckoo man was right. Because there can be no other explanation for a film featuring dogs with CG animated mouths and slightly xenophobic attitudes being a smash hit in a country where literacy is a given. Kiss your sweet ass goodbye, because the end of Western "civilization" is clearly nigh.

(stats via BoxOffice Mojo)

Midrange Shopper

2008-10-09T18:12:00.007-04:00

If I decide I want to purchase the now on sale Headless Animated Lifesize Headless Corpse Bride- and I'm not saying I'm for sure going to but, hypothetically- if I was to procure said beheaded newlywed, and position her directly at my desk at work, complete with her "...Animatronic decor accent" rolled up to top volume for 8 hours a day, Monday thru Friday, who's to stop me?

I mean really, who? Oh yeah?! YOU AND WHAT ARMY, JACKASS?!?

This product review below made my day, by the way. I have to say, it seems a bit harsh in spots. I mean, if your trachea was severed, there's gonna be some crushing so, let's not nitpick over vocal clarity, shall we?

Sometimes, I too seem very sad and would like "to maked you feel sorry" for me. Me and this robotic goth gal could have a few Ice brews and bitch it out about dudes in a big old way, huh? I mean...can she drink? Maybe I could pour it over the general neck wound? On second thought, better pass on those beers. Sorry, Morticia.

Got A Firm But Hard For You.

2008-09-28T16:41:00.004-04:00

I know everyone who reads this blog (my Mom) is plenty sick of me squalling about what I think is funny, and what I think deserves attention from you, the comedy viewer blah blah blah. But honestly, I refuse to feel bad for consistently plugging the magic that is Tim and Eric, Awesome Show Great Job! to the cyber universe. It's the first show I've felt this selfish about, which is silly but so true.

I haven't gotten this preachy and amped up about things that WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH GODDAMMIT since I saw Garth Merenghi at 2 am when I had insomnia and it was on the Sci Fi Channel, or when my pal Carla Rhodes showed me a bootleg of Look Around You at her birthday party, or when I somehow caught a marathon of Spaced on BBC America (minus the last episode, which it took me 2 years to get to see finally)...all of these comedy obsessions happened a fair time ago, and then, there was pretty much nothing new that really floored me for a while. Then, when I was really sick with a fever and flipping thru the channels aimlessly, I stumbled upon Tim & Eric in the middle of Season One and became mildly (OK incredibly) obsessed. It makes me feel like I did when I first saw The State, amazed and like someone was acting out inside jokes that weren't inside at all but had that kind of intimacy.

Look, how often does a show make fun of mediocrity, media pretentiousness, blind consumerism, and of the daily awkwardness present in all human interaction- plus feature occasional fart gags- all in one fell swoop?! Tim & Eric is like a Looney Toon mated with an 80's public access talent show, broadcast straight from hell and with a 70s AM Gold soundtrack. Which suits me just fine.

If you haven't watched it STILL, then go to iTunes and pick up Seasons 2 & 3. You can also buy the Season 1 DVD, which I find to be a huge hit at all weekend away gatherings, seriously (it was a smash at the Ithaca Nuptials last weekend, for example). It gets a reaction out of pretty much everyone, which is more than I can say for Ghostbusters 2.

The finale for Season 3 of TAEASGJ is on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network tonight 12:30 AM. I think you should make the time to watch it, because I promise you, you will want to say you saw this show way back when years from now. These guys- and the people they work, shoot and write with- are really the future of American comedy for people who truly love it. I, for one, am so glad to for that, and I look forward to whatever they produce from here on out. Great job!

Jar Full of Roaches: Candid Snap

2008-09-22T15:54:00.002-04:00

Jar Full of Roaches Promo
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Enjoy this snap from Anya Garrett...delightful! This was from our postcard photoshoot. Postcard, you say? That's right, postcards for our all new sketch show! Details to follow, suckers!

Brandy & Sara in:

JAR FULL OF ROACHES

Directed by Oren Brimer

Tuesdays @ 9:30 PM thru October 2008
The P.I.T. 154 W. 29th Street $5
Tix: www.thepit-nyc.com

Comedy duo Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco present an all new sketch show, directed by Oren Brimer. Some simp may have said that life is just a bowl full of cherries, but Brandy & Sara think it's more like a jar full of roaches. Will there be demented work out videos? Seething hostility expressed thru offers of kindness? Screeching? You betcha. And one lucky guest will win his or her very own Jar Full Of Roaches at each and every show.

We need a little Xmas, right this very minute...

2008-09-17T19:06:00.005-04:00

So summer was like, 10 minutes long, am I right? IS THIS THING ON?!? I'm all a-wiggly to head up to gorgeous Ithaca for the wedding of two friends this weekend. I remember looking at this event as the amazing cap off of the summer and now, here it finally is!

It was nice and fall-like, very chilly today (which may be due to our overstimulated central air in the office but I digress) and I got that familiar rush I do at this time of the year. It's one of unmitigated glee of realizing my FAVORITE season has arrived. I love the fall and winter, love all the holidays and celebrating and gorging. I just got a stomach dip of excitement when I realized there would be honest to god snow soon!!! Mostly I am thrilled to go back to California and see my family. All of the sudden visions of aging basset hounds and deep fried turkey and my Dad's artillery punch are dancing in my head.

Yay to sleet and snow and hail and puddles! Yay to sweaters and scarves and coats and down comforters! yay to tights and cardigans and snow boots! Yay to getting drunk with all the other orphans on Thanksgiving in Williamsburg and having an impromptu scarf-wrapped-on-your-head-like-a-burka dance jam to Soulja Boy! Most of all yay to me maybe molesting someone (or multiple people) under the mistletoe at my annual, poorly planned and shoddily exectuted holiday BROOKLYN FRIENDSHIPS (TM) party! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! WHAT I LIKE!!! LOOK AT ME SOME MORE!

Want That One!

2008-09-09T00:51:00.004-04:00

I may have to get HBO just to see all six episodes of Little Britain USA. If you haven't caught the original Little Britain in re-runs on BBC America before, go out now and get the DVDs, because you're really going to be pleased with them. And if not then you're an ass.

Signed,

the Comedy Snob.

Baffled, Perplexed and Peeved.

2008-09-05T14:04:00.005-04:00

May I ask you a question? How is it that, in the past two months, I have had two separate experiences with two very different men who have made very surprising passes at me (let's just say they weren't simply being "friendly" and leave it at that), and whom I come to find out, AFTER THE FACT, have girlfriends? Is there a sign taped to my back that says "IF YOU ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP PLEASE PLANT ONE ON ME"? Because if so could someone please alert me to this in the future? Thunks.

When did I become the "Other Woman"? I am no vixen! I'm your pal. You know- that girl who likes the original 3 Star Wars flicks and NHL games and lots and lots of Miller High Life. The Other Woman is always mani/pedicured, uses things like hair spray and cold cream, and cares about shit like The Hills. She thinks most anything fun is "icky" and prances around in kitten heels in a perpetual cloud of some thick, floral perfume. I have my lady-like moments, but being a femme fatale is not something I perceive myself to be...and certainly not a vampy home wrecker.

I don't get it. But I do know this. It makes me really dislike boys and the idea of dating one seriously. I mean, this is how guy friends of MINE are acting to ME! Their so-called "friend"! May sound sexist but, sorry. That's where I'm at.

Let Me Go.

2008-08-28T19:39:00.004-04:00

I loved this song so much when I was little. It brings back memories of listening to bad AM radio broadcast out of Tijuana on a tiny pink & purple transistor radio my folks game me for Christmas, rollerskating in the cul-de-sac, playing dress up in the front yard with all my girlfriends, slicking on bubble gum Bonne Bell Lipsmacker, the ever-present California smell of fresh moved green grass enveloping all those lazy days. It's also clearly a song that was obviously responsible for the gestation of what would prove to be my lifelong obsession with all things British. A happy memory all around, really.

The last time I was in love with someone, I remember lying in the dark in his bedroom, listening to his music. This song came on randomly, and I felt such a visceral connection to it and to him. I felt like I was going to cry, but because I was happy. I was so overwhelemed by the purity of the moment- of something so dear from my past merging seamlessly with something so loaded and delicate and lovely that was pregnant with promise. I stared at him in the dark and thought to myself, this is meant to be. This is magic. Being in love is magic.

And then we broke up and I realized it's all a bunch of fucking lies and bullshit and exhausting theatrics and blah, blah, blah. But this song is still savage. Enjoy Let Me Go by Heaven 17.

Sometimes, the answer is just no.

2008-07-30T16:54:00.006-04:00

I had a birthday this week, and with it came the usual ruminations on life and its various trials and tribulations. I decided to throw myself a party where I gave out complimentary drink tickets and spent a ton on food and drinks and handmade invitations, because I think more and more that I am not going to get married. Well, let me rephrase that, I don't plan on a silly "traditional" (whatever THAT means) mnarriage cermemony for my wedding, if I have one at all. They simply do not appeal to me.

As we sat out on her deck and ate supper the other night, Sara Jo asked me what my favorite wedding was that I had ever been to and I was stumped. I mean, I loved seeing the people who I was close to being happy so there were no losers in the bunch, per se. But I wasn't totally thrilled with any of them either. The last wedding I went to had an alcohol cut off so that dampened the fun significantly, obviously. I guess I feel that weddings tend to turn into "grown up proms" and that the wrong things get focused on. It becomes about showing off to people, submitting yourself to judgment, doing what everyone else thinks is right, demanding useless presents, and just being a stupid consumer and feeding into the corporate machine. Do you really mean to tell me that because you spent $30,000 on a cookie cutter church ceremony that that means the commitment you have with your partner is that much more superior? I don't buy it, literally. All those ideals were fed to you by an industry that profits from you acting like a money squandering loon hellbent on buying romance, happiness and status. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that to me seems to contain nothing remotely close to celebrating love.

Sara Jo wanted to discuss a book she'd read some quotes from, I Don't: A Contrarian View On Marriage, by Susan Squire. She was appalled by the what she had found out, which was that the true symbolism of giving away the bride by her father was not at all kind, sweet, touching or cute, but in fact signified nothing less than property being passed between two men (IE, dowry). Myself being the angry feminist cynic, I was in the know. But I think often women, even the smartest of us, don't question why these things happen and continue to give them power by not doing so. For example, why diamond rings? Why not something else? How did that come to pass? This excellent column from Nerve.com by Ken Mondschein may really upset some people. Good. I hope so. You should be upset, because everyone should know that newly purchased diamonds are clearly for dimwits.

Back to the beginning: I was glad to throw that kind of shindig for my party, I like being generous. Why wait around for a wedding to celebrate how much you love the people in your life? Why wait to force them to stare at you in some overpriced silly dress for hours on end like it's some sort of miracle that you put on a bunch of satin? Seems lame. Now, getting them all drunk, stuffed full of food and making them dance up a storm, THAT is what appeals to me. So if I ever do decide to commit, that's what I think I'd like to focus on. Not on me, or how much cash I can shit out, or how fakey sicky sweet I can appear during the "Daddy Daughter dance" (bleech), and so on and so forth. None of that.

Now, this line of relationship thinking also inevitably leads to me wondering about kids. This is the first year I have been really unsure about them. I do like kids, I think I want to have one....I think? Then I read how some poor girl was sexually assaulted by a nut job and am convinced I do not want to bring another human into the world for fear they'd have to deal with that or worse yet, that they'd do that. I would have the serial killer kid that murdered the class gerbil, just my luck!

So this was all rattling around in my mostly empty head this morning as I was getting dressed for work, half-heartedly listening to the radio. Then I heard a really compelling guest discussing his new book on the Brian Leherer show (an AM NPR fave). The book is called The Dominant Animal: Human Evolution and the Environment. Its co-author, Stanford professor Paul Ehrlich, was talking about a prospect that truly fascinates me, population control. All of the sudden I started to focus less on the fact that I'm not sure about kids yet and instead on the fact that we're (meaning specifically the Western world for this instance) ruining the earth with the selfish need to procreate...because it is, when you really look at it, selfish. People AGAIN don't think, they just do and too often, to boot as the population numbers soar. I understand if you've ALWAYS wanted kids, I guess...but can't you just adopt? People who whine that it's not the same, to me, seem like they're treating children like one more possession by saying that parenting is fundamentally invalid unless the child is but another product to be-yep-consumed. Freaks me out. All of this. This is why I drink so much. Anyways, now I feel guilty about having kids at all. Maybe I should just adopt one of my friend's kids and be the batty old aunt that sends them ridiculously expensive gifts that their folks would never dream of spoiling them with? I'm cool with it. After all, it takes a village to raise a child. I can be the part of the village that doesn't have to put up with being shit on , yelled at, or woken up at 3 am by cops dragging my drunk offspring home from getting caught dry humping on a park bench. I like the sound of that.

Lastly, I just saw this really interesting essay via my beloved Jezebel about a 24 year old woman opting, without apology, for a new form of sterilization. The whole piece- and ensuing comments- is/are quite thought provoking. And this, in conjunction with the aforementioned book have me really pondering away. Hopefully if you're reading this yammering, so are you.

Or not. You could ignore this, say I'm full of it, that you're having your Catholic wedding and your 2.5 kids (allowing for miscarriage there) and that I'm a crackpot. Your choice.

But at least I feel like I'm MAKING one, or thinking about making one...instead of letting one be made for me.

Stealing Brandy's Camera

2008-07-29T13:29:00.001-04:00

Stealing Brandy's Camera
Originally uploaded by Anya Garrett

Thanks to Anya for this adorable mosaic!

Twins.

2008-07-15T16:48:00.001-04:00

I wonder why girls get pregnant so young these days? Hmmm....it's a mystery I guess!

Worse yet, this is from 1983. Eeeeek.

Speaking of animated canines...

2008-07-11T15:58:00.005-04:00

I, from as long as I can recall, was OBSESSED with boys and making out with them. I was never, ever one of those girls that thought kissing was "gross" or "yucky". I always, ALWAYS was so fascinated with it and in search of it. If you know adult me you will also know, not much has changed. Ok, let's put it more frankly: ain't a damn thing changed.

Anyway I remember being so obsessed with wanting to kiss a boy while this song was playing. Other 1980 make out music musts for the then 6 year old Brandy? Don't mind if I do!

Don't Walk Away, ELO- from Xanadu:

Tonight's The Night, Rod Stewart:

Kiss You All Over, Exile:

Annnnnd, gross.

Chihuahua Fatwah.

2008-07-11T15:52:00.002-04:00

I grimly accept my task...to murder those responsible for this. Death to the Hollywood infidels!

I'd Rather Be A Fool.

2008-07-10T13:12:00.002-04:00

I fucking LOVE E.G. Daily and I demand that someone re-make this dress in time for my upcoming birthday. If you haven't seen this movie, we can't be friends. Sorry.

Switch It Up!

2008-07-08T23:18:00.003-04:00

Oh no- it's my pleasure!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I just needed to "SWITCH IT UP!". Just like David Silver!

Almost immediately, I felt sorry.

2008-06-25T21:13:00.008-04:00

This teaser trailer about made me keel over in my chair. Mostly because, I am going to see Liz Phair sing Exile In Guysville tomorrow night, and I keep almost crying when I think about it. Which is so lame. But this, this album in particular, is my mecca, you know? I watch this and I see Liz Phair and Urge Overkill and all of a sudden I'm in my dorm room at Long Beach State, in black matte Docs and fishnets and my dad's jeans I made into baggy cut offs, throwing a flannel over my Beastie Boys concert t-shirt and getting ready to go to the Fabulous Foothill Tavern to see Guttermouth and the Lunachicks, cradling a 40 of Mickey's in the crook of one arm and a Rentals CD in the other, and wishing this guy I was in love, love, love with named J.T. Costa would call me but figuring he wouldn't because he was on acid at the Luscious Jackson show in Santa Barbara.

This was back when the Polaroids that make up the creepy, sexy liner of Exile In Guysville still existed...back when cell phones were only for use inside cars, and everyone had land lines and answering machines with special codes you dialed in to check your messages. Fairly pre-internet, unless you were a huge nerd- so, not so much with the email and the IM and the texting. People had pagers. You could still smoke everywhere, all the time. I'm going to stop now. The point of this is to say:

I forgive you, you awesome crazy broad. I forgive you.

Also, I just found out that the Foothill closed and that made me start to cry. I saw so many awesome bands there. I remember going to see that dog. there and being so drunk I don't even know how I got home. Good times.

No, THUNKS.

2008-06-25T13:56:00.003-04:00

I don't appreciate being followed around and filmed for the purposes of a god-damned video. My life is PRIVATE thanks very much, down to flaunting my oft mentioned true life dream of having myself animated by Don Bluth (who did the sequence in the film Xanadu that I wish I had not seen because I think that's when, right then and there, that I was ruined for life). How RUDE.

Oh wait...this video isn't starring me? It's just an alarming approximation of my life at the present? Oh. Well.

Awkward.

Enjoy the Scissor Sister's Mary. And try not to make eye contact with me for a day or two. K, thanks.

It has been a shitty week.

2008-06-24T14:45:00.010-04:00

In the past week:

I acted like a drunk idiot and did something I regret incredibly. Let me rephrase that, I acted like a drunk 22 year old idiot, and did something I regret incredibly. So much the worse for me.

Some nimrod at my office came to my desk and informed me, since we seem to be having some sort of summer cleaning initiative, that she "loved" my "creativity" but that I was going to have to remove certain things from my desk area. Such as my pristine condition, 1980 bright yellow Animalympics lunchbox. Keep in mind it is strategically placed so I don't have to be on display the entire day to everyone who passes by my desk. Sometimes, we all want a little respite from small talk so we can focus and get things done, am I right? I know I am. When this fellow employee said this to me, I wanted to reply with so many cuss types of things to her condescending peaked little rat face. Instead I stared at her for a long time, then went back to looking at my screen and just sighed loudly, and she scampered off to ruin someone else's day. I know it's just her job, but something about it chapped my hide. It was such a "junior high cheerleader speaking down to an audio visual nerd" moment and I was really not in need of it at that particular time.

Speaking of work, because I know everyone wants to know more about mine, my computer died and all my hard drive stuff seems to be lost. Including my work iTunes. Bleeech. All my Girl Talk mp3s, all gone, poof! Not insurmountable but not ideal.

On a recent Friday night visit to Long Island City, I had a moment of sadness when I realized my nastiness had come back to bite me in the ass, and did so in a public fashion. While I stand by my opinions, I also had the fact that when you say mean things even if they are true and done in an effort to protect people you care for, the results are not always pretty. It's not fun having morals and expecting others to, especially when they then turn around and undermine you. The people I think I care the most about seem, especially in this last year, to disappoint me the most.

To top it all off, I found out an old friend of mine had passed away about a week ago, and I'd been so wrapped up in my own stupid little egocentric baloney I didn't know.

There's more, but it's so stupid I can't even write about it on this, this being potentially the world's most self-absorbed blog. Yeah, it's stuff that's THAT stupid.

Instead of pouting and moping and feeling bad all day again today, I decided to do something about it. My friend Sean had mentioned a website to me called Kiva, where you could make micro loans to individuals in developing nations. I went, picked two people whose loan requests I liked, and with the click of a button, felt instantly better. Like I was doing something of value. Instead of sitting around whinging, wasting time, which some people who I really cared about and admired, don't have the luxury of doing anymore.

You should check out KIVA.org today. With a loan of just $25, you can change lives.

Thinking of a master plan...nah.

2008-06-17T18:31:00.004-04:00

Someone likes herself this video, which will surely keep American Apparel's pornographic swimwear line flying off the shelves, thereby bolstering the recent court woes of its Grand poo-bah pervert, Dov Charney.

Why does everyone hate so much on American Apparel ads, BTW? For the record, I like how not every woman in them is a white super skinny blonde, and that they even show their subject's pores, bruises, scars and even cellulite. You know, how real human females look when half-dressed-- not airbrushed plastic-filled freaks with hair color that's not bleached to shit? I, for one, dig it.

Mezmerized and horrified and delighted.

2008-06-16T13:30:00.003-04:00

Blackwell, by Adela Leibowitz, 2007

www.hpgrpgallery.com

I mean...this sums it up, for me. This right here. So creepy and enchanting and upsetting. I am going to stare at this for the next few hours and feel unsettled. And now you can, too.

And the companion...

2008-06-13T18:13:00.001-04:00

Thanks Crespo!

My First (and last) Kiss.

2008-06-13T15:31:00.004-04:00

I'd say Sara & I had our last dance last night, but a more appropriate description would bethat we had our last sweaty, creepy grind with a guy in a leather cord necklace to Next's hit Too Close. My love and thanks to everyone who came, and to those who didn't, YOU BLEW IT.

Thanks to the amazing cast of this series of videos, and to the wizardry of Carol Hartsell. Here's her very sweet description:

For two years Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco have produced a comedy show that will live on in our memories as a hilarious night of too many drinks, copious make-out sessions, and great comedians. These videos bring together many of The Kissing Booths friends and regulars to say a final goodbye.

Featuring: Becky Ciletti, Emily Epstein, Vince Averill, Matt Sears, Oren Brimer, Neil Charles, Matt McCarthy, Glennis McMurray, Giulia Rozzi, Michael Terry, Carolyn Castiglia, Dan Allen, Eliza Skinner, Anne Altman, Jenny Rubin, Ann Carr, Katina Corrao, Jon Friedman, Michele Colyn, Eliot Glazer, Nathan Kloke, Jiwon Lee, Rob Gordon, Anthony Devito, Carrie Faverty and Jay Bois

Directed and Edited by Carol Hartsell

Produced by Drink at Work and The Kissing Booth

Based on characters created and lived by Brandy Barber and Sara Jo Allocco

And here's the companion- thanks Crespo!
http://video.televisionwithoutpity.com/player/?id=262078

The Kissing Booth: FINAL SHOW!

2008-06-11T17:00:00.000-04:00

The Kissing Booth was a monthly comedy
showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara from June 2006 to June 2008. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more were seen from from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. After the show, there was a FREE late nite dance party - with cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

The Kissing Booth presents: THE FINAL SHOW (a.k.a., We're Sorry)!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Thursday June 12th, 2008
Cocktail hour & reception from 7 - 8 PM with FREE PUNCH!
Final Show from 8 - 9:30 PM
Final After Party from 9:45ish to ?
COST: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine, FREE PUNCH 'til the cooler runs dry!

Brandy & Sara are finally at the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, two solid years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus to focus on other comedy projects together. So, much like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, they're leaping right the fuck off a cliff together (or running out with guns drawn to certain death, either/or) and getting out while the getting's good.

Come down to the final installment of what some people called their favorite show in New York (thanks Aubrey Tennant), some people called drunken karaoke rebranded as "comedy" and some people actually thought was a fucking monthly, operational Kissing Booth (those people were clearly retarded).

We'll have a lot of sentimental bullshit, and also some performances from:

Jamie Kilstein!

Eliot Glazer!

Matt & Katina!

Jay Bois!

Matt Ruby!

…and more, TBA!

PLUS: Photos taken by NATHAN KLOKE (www.nathankloke.com) and ANYA GARRETT (www.anyagarrett.com) and maybe even a final, tear-stained DRUNKEN SHITTY KARAOKE FINALE!!! Be there one last time or regret it forever!

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc
www.thetanknyc.org

Cats & Chopsticks.

2008-06-11T15:18:00.003-04:00

This is special for so many reasons:

Quietly charming with a worldly flair:

Different, but equally awesome:

Comedy Brilliance Round Up.

2008-06-11T11:35:00.000-04:00

Haven't had a chance to post these fine snaps of me getting to meet some of my biggest comedy inspirations. So here they are, really really late.

OK, Bye.

Not So Much In Touch.

2008-06-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

[Click on image to enlarge]

I love how this yellow-encircled snippet queries whether Mary Kate Olsen has a drinking problem, and then goes on to describe what tends to be my typical Tuesday night.

Oh well.

Insert Gun Shots and Air Horn Sound Effects Here

2008-06-10T13:16:00.004-04:00

I went with my gal pal Joselyn to see M.I.A. at McCarren Park Pool last Friday. The show was dope, and I wish I hadn't gotten so awfully wasted because it's all a pleasant, neon blur to me now. But it seems I took some pictures...and then later when sober, I stole some pictures. Photo credits noted.

What an amazing show, though. All you M.I.A. haters fuck off, she is amazing and her live shows have been an absolute treat. Not so much so for the lame afterparty we trekked to Studio B for which I have to say, made me want to scratch my eyes out. Yuck.

The title of this blog is a quote from Jos used when describing what happened every ten seconds at the concert. Lots and lots of sound effects, which I liked but had I not been plastered I probably would have hit the ground and started praying.

Flyers- Jos swiped a bunch for us. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Kisses & fun at the show for these two drunk ladies. Thanks, Turkey's Nest!

When the sun wast setting, thus the light show didst begin.

Palm tree up close. These looked amazing! [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

More blurry stage shots from the back, where we were drunkenly scampering.

Lights and more lights. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Best outfit of all time- M.I.A. and one of her great back up gals. [Photo by Bao Nguyen]

Waiting so, soooooooo long for the G we sobered up. Kinda.

My friends are amazing.

2008-06-10T12:27:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I am just awestruck that I know some of the people I do. They make me laugh until I cry when I get to see them onstage or in videos, on TV, and so on. And the best part is I get to go out and get wrecked with them, too. Sometimes I even get to perform with them! Man oh man have I got it good. Yes, I am a braggart ass face.

Case in point: I watched my friends Livia & Biz's above video today and seriously freaked the fuck out. These two scamps have set the bar so high. I am full of interest and delight and fascination for this project. Hail Dirty Jeans & Thunderchief!

July 2008.

2008-06-09T17:09:00.002-04:00

My birthday's coming up and look what popped up on Google today when I was answering an email from Sara! Thanks for your sensitive, thoughtful banner ads, Google! We ALL win!!!

[Click on image to enlarge, fools]

Spaghetti & Meatballs.

2008-06-09T15:56:00.003-04:00

This clip pretty much sums up all there is to me to be said about relationships and romance. Yep. That's about it in my experience.

Tim And Eric Awesome Show Great Job is back with season 3 July 30th, 2008 on Adult Swim. Watch it, you ass.

One To Vomit On.

2008-06-09T12:01:00.002-04:00

My friend Ann Carr sent me this and it made me mostly sad, then somewhat angry then I just sighed and shook my head. Then I went and had a large hazelnut iced coffee and considered how much I hate other people. Not just men, other people- because there are lots and lots of female producers on these fucking shows, too.

What a bunch of bullshit. Cut to me today, on the F train to work, reading in my new print obsession, New York Magazine, about this shrill opportunistic money-grubbung shrew who has the audacity to compare her shit show plays to Eugene O'Neill and makes YouTube videos whining about how she won't get any money from her sickening sham of a "marriage". Then again, that old fool married her. I can't seem to get so much as groped by someone with a full set of clean teeth and this dumb broad is getting millions thrown at her to not have sex and get to buy shoes and shit all the time?!? Can someone make this make sense to me please? Because there is not enough iced hazelnut coffee in this world to do so right now methinks.

This world makes me annoyed. Paaaayyycce.

Songs What I Forgot: Right Here (Human Nature Remix), S.W.V.

2008-06-05T19:15:00.003-04:00

Damn, that's my equestrian jaaaaaam. This song still rules and if I still had a tape player, I'd be listening to it on CASSINGLE. Remember cassingles?! No? Well, Grandma B. sure does.

Get MORTIFIED Tonight!

2008-06-02T12:13:00.007-04:00

Hey all, come on down tonight to see me, that's right, ME, get totally MORTIFIED!

Mortified!

A comic excavation of teen angst artifacts as shared by their original authors before total strangers.

Comix
53 W 14th St New York, NY 10014
8 PM

ADVANCE TICKETS - $15
DAY OF SHOW TICKETS - $20

Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club, Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a comic excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind, our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through hundreds of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New York by Brandy Barber & Anne Altman.

*** Two-item minimum per person in the showroom.

Please click here for tickets!

Mini-Vacation Movie/Sean Crespo Has No Prior Knowledge.

2008-05-27T11:14:00.003-04:00

If you care to do so, click on this fun video to see our pal Sean's TWOP vlog, which is both a commentary on VH1's stable of reality show trash from its Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York starring on a new competition show called I Love Money, AND, a living document of our recent Greenport winery trip! BOO YAH!

The Day The Popping Off Died: Bad Girl's Club II is no more.

2008-05-22T16:06:00.004-04:00

I knew it would come to and end, I just didn't realize how empty I would feel inside without my Tanisha fix. There were times I got cross with her for being unfair & unreasonable but you know what, no one is perfect and I have to say she impressed me with her growth. I want the best for her, I truly do. This second season of Oxygen's smash The Bad Girl's Club was my special treat to myself and I enjoyed the bejeezus out of it.

Why would I waste my time, you ask? Reality shows are beneath us, says you? Well, put down your pipe and that leather bound tome of yours, and take a gander at this, Einstein. I defy you to tell me this show was not fucking riveting, rollicking comedy gold afer reading this excerpted entry from Tanisha's online blog, regarding the explosive BGC2 reunion special:

It was shocking that Lyric [who left the house after only 2 weeks and a lot of crappy Rasta-esque poetry and really, really lame raps as discussed by the always amazing Jezebel- Ed.] decided to verbally attack me. I was completely thrown off because first of all I never had a problem with her mal-nourished spaghetti string, broom stick bamboo a$$.

She left the house simply because her sorry a$$ was there for all the wrong damn reasons. I mean come on now. Who the hell is going to sign someone that has the same name as the words of a song? Lyric? Yeah right Melissa! Try using your real name you hating a$$ b*tch! What I want to know is How the f*ck am I jealous of your nasty stringy scrawny dirty filthy a$$? B*tch what the hell are you doing with yourself? Besides making home videos and hitting up your local karaoke clubs and posting them on you tube? You’re a hater and that's all you will ever be Beiotch!

When your a$$ left we left on good terms. I hugged your frail a$$ and said my good-byes and that was that. I even spoke to you over the phone once after that when your pathetic worthless waste of good life a$$ called crying on the phone talking about "I should have never left man. Damn". B*tch get f*cking real!

You call yourself a queen? A role model and a star? Hahaha! The joke’s on you. You didn't last two seconds on the Bad Girls Club, the Tyra show, or the reunion. You’re just a hating a$$ trick that can't get a record deal even if you slept with half of the record execs across the U.S. You make me sick because your wack and weak and so damn fake!

You knew you had to leave the house b*tch because there could only be one captain and that was me! Your a f*cking loser flat a$$ wanna be rapper b*tch! Keep hating because I will always be big and marvelous. And you...well I suggest you go "watch a Tyra".

The only reason why I didn't drop kick your sorry a$$ was because I know how the LAPD gets down in LA. Thank the heavens you good for nothing smut! **On another note it was cool seeing some of the old camera crews. I think that was the best part of all. To the bouncer who held me back: Lyric owes you her sorry a$$ life!**

Whoooo-weeee! Lyric does, indeed, need to fall back like "whoa"! I cackled like a plump, hateful hen throughout this reunion special and it left me wanting oh, so much more. All I know is, I am going to ask Tanisha to be my MySpace friend and if she says no, I may have to pop off this mortal coil.

Farewell, BGC2. Enjoy this final goodbye...a touching song tribute if ever there was one.

PS When you watch Oxygen's video clips for this show, the stupid mini-ad that comes on is for canker sores...say no more.

Scenic Greenport.

2008-05-20T12:05:00.008-04:00

Had an amazing weekend away. I so rarely leave the city as, to me, being in New York is like one big crazy circus-vacation-dance party. But it's nearing (GASP!) 9 years that I've lived here and after an idyllic visit on the Island last summer courtesy of my friend Kloke (OK, OK it WAS the Hamptons, but I always felt creepy saying that out loud as if by so doing, I'd then immediately develop an Oompa-Loompa fake tan and get into an SUV and run over people) , I decided I wanted to make this summer of 2008 about escaping.

And so, after some impassioned Craig's List searching, a rental house was secured and pals were rounded up and driven/Jitney-ed/LIRR'd out for proper weekender visits. There was a hot tub, a Tiki Bar, stuffed jungle pets and a lot, and I do mean a LOT, of lighthouses. Also there was a life-sized Jar Jar Binks inflatable pool chair that really upset everyone. Too soon, Jar Jar. TOO SOON.

We went to some great wineries (I highly recommend both Castella di Borghese & Osprey's Dominion). One had an all breeds dog show taking place next to it, which was quite a sight. We drank 3-5 bottles of sparkling wine in an afternoon in a gazebo, rode bikes, watched Thank God It's Friday, Trading Places, April Fool's Day and Season One of Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, grilled farm stand veggies, switched out the 8 smart-assy statement-stamped beer cozys ("cosy" or "koozy"- someone clarify for me please) that were purchased impulsively as host gifts, ate strawberry-rhubarb pie and bacon for breakfast, and attempted to play a mint copy of the NHL VHS Board Game that was found in a closet. And there were lots of naps.

All in all, one of the best weekends I've had in I don't know how long. Enjoy pictures (thanks for those, Alty) and feel bad for yourself that you didn't go, peasants.

Greg Gillis, I think I want to marry you.

2008-05-14T14:16:00.001-04:00

I am so ready for summer and this weekend is the big kick off! A trip out of town is in the works and I am all a-wiggle with G-L-E-E!

This sums it all up, AND HOW!

Of A Different Feather.

2008-05-07T17:40:00.003-04:00

My friend Carla has a cool mailing list called, Bird of the Day. You should sign up. Why? Because stuff like the excerpt below from today's mailer will come to your very own inbox every darned day. Thanks, Ms. Carla!

Contemplative Cockatoo.

Contemplative Cockatoo works in an office all day surrounded by fellow workers that are somehow content with being locked in a windowless box and typing with their mangled carpal tunnel claws all day whilst their dreams whittle away.

Will Contemplative Cockatoo fly away and risk not having health insurance?

Or will he let his brain turn to slush and suffer the same fate full of
flat screen tvs, white picket fences, suvs and prime time television?

Too good.

2008-05-06T13:17:00.005-04:00

The thing is, is this episode of Tim & Eric Nite Live is so uncomfortable, so honest, well-acted and so truly spot on it's blowing my mind. For anyone out there who has ever tried to produce & perform in their own comedy show, you will see yourself reflected in at least one of the people here. Let's hope it's not James Quall, however.

If you don't know who Tim & Eric are, you're really- as a comedian or a lover of comedy- doing yourself and the Unites States of America a disservice. Smart, subversive, creepy and fucking brilliant. I know I talk about them a lot on my blog and in person to any and all who will listen, but it's because seeing what they are doing is such an inspiration and I am just thrilled by it. They have a DVD out of their first season which I highly recommend. Do yourself the favor of picking it up, STAT.

And if you have some time, watch the follow up episode #12 of Nite Live which honestly...makes me just feel like I could go outside and get hit by a car and never get to live my comedy dreams because, I mean, why? How can it get better? I don't think it can. Pure genius.

Cat. Hat.

2008-05-02T13:38:00.004-04:00

I love my cat. I don't give a fuck if you don't like it. And although I have accepted my crazy cat lady status, I have to say...it's never going to be this bad.

Thanks, WikiHow!

Hi, Pep Pep.

2008-05-01T14:51:00.001-04:00

This is my master now. I worship thee.

The Kissing Booth: Final Three Shows Kick Off TONIGHT!

2008-04-25T14:31:00.002-04:00

The Kissing Booth presents: Final Three Shows Kickoff!

WHERE: The Tank
WHEN: Friday April 25th, 2008
doors at 10:00 PM, show at 10:30 PM
COST: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine

Brandy & Sara are nearing the two year anniversary of their show! That’s right, almost two years of nonsense, hi-jinx, lewd talk and overall drunken bumbling is nigh. After some careful consideration, the gals have decided to take a hiatus after they hit that mark- so come on down for the 1st of three final shows! That’s right- the countdown has begun! Come cram in some on-the-clock comedy!

With:

Brad Steuernagel!

Jay Bois!

Neil Statsny!

Rob Gordon!

Giulia Rozzi!

Videos from Oren Brimer/Pete Holmes/Matt McCarthy, Classy Comedy & Matt Ruby

…and more TBA!

Be there!

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

www.thetanknyc.org

Hey You Guys, I Played With The Ween!!!

2008-04-09T12:23:00.004-04:00

I'm going to see Ween at McCarren Pool if it kills me. Also this movie makes me happy, and I do not care a fig if you say otherwise. Enjoy It's Pat!: The Movie.

Horsey Rides! Steppin' Out! Pop Off! Bring It Son!

2008-04-09T10:31:00.005-04:00

One of the most traumatic moments of my life to date, was seeing a picture of someone I was in the process of having my heart broken by, beyond inebriated, riding a kiddie ride outside of a New York bodega. It was clear from this wacky photo that a night of drunken fun had taken place, and that this night the kind of shit-kicker that was worth posting photo proof of, and, sadly, that said night coincided with me not getting the usual phone call. Take it from me- when they don't call, they are up to something and there is just no other explanation. Life Lesson #1, folks.

Anyway, this was my first concrete clue that things were about to get straight up soul-crushing. And, oh, were they ever. But I forgive you, kiddie rides. You are but an innocent bystander in the world of drunk pranksters. You can't help that you were taken advantage of by a creep- or any creep, really. Not could I, in hindsight.

And so this clip from Bad Girls Club II was a welcome treat.

CLICK HERE FOR "Ride 'Em" SINCE THE OXYGEN WEB VIDEO EMBEDDER IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE

I don't have much time in my life to say, read the Penguin Classics Library or meditate. But watch a bunch of fun, wild, mouthy broads fighting all the day long?!? Oh, I do implore you to sign my ass up, kind sire!

And just for fun, here is a clip that also reminds me of my stated dealings with dopes of the male variety:

CLICK HERE FOR "Tanisha's Lament" SINCE THE OXYGEN WEB VIDEO EMBEDDER IS A PIECE OF GARBAGE

You tell 'em, Tanisha, you tiger!

This Time I Know It's For Real.

2008-04-04T14:25:00.003-04:00

This Time I Know It's For Real from anya. on Vimeo.

It's been almost 2 years since Sara & I made our foray into the variety show world with our humble entry, The Kissing Booth. No, there is no actual kissing booth involved. Well, once there was, but it was for charity only and it got way out of hand. Enough said.

We didn't have any idea what we were doing- and still admittedly don't- but we knew we wanted to do something that made us happy. And we hoped that it would make people who came happy, too. As we begin to get to the end of the show's run, that's still the goal.

This video was commissioned for the very first Kissing Booth, ever. It was meant to be a segment where, we filmed live action creepy background videos-the type of which you see and howl with drunken laughter at when you are out at karaoke-and then performed them as the finale to our show. Sadly, the video was burned to a disk that would not play the opening night at the show, and which froze during it being played, never to move again. So no one really got to see the magic that night.

BUT! Here is in all its glory, and with the two year anniversary coming up, here's to hoping it may but yet have its day in the sun!

Thanks to Patrick, Bri and MT of Party Central USA and Jerry Miller. And, as always, Anya.

Songs What I Forgot: The Things We Do For Love, 10cc

2008-04-03T16:40:00.002-04:00

Just such an amazing song. I'm amazed how this style of music was huge, then fell out of favor, and now is back in such a big way (albeit packaged differently, but still). I think it was always kick-ass. And then there's the fact that it's sung by 10cc, who if you don't know, you are dumb. Sorry but, you just are. And here is why.

Two members from this awesome band- Godley & Creme- were also responsible for concepting/directing the Police video for Wrapped Around Your Finger (yes, the one with all the candles), Herbie Hancock's upsettingly awesome video for Rockit, and when not directing MTV video megahits, they had 85's hit single Cry (a format later to be ripped off by mega-molester Michael Jackson). Not to be ignored, another 10cc member, Grahm Gouldman, sang the leads on the ONLY soundtrack that I may possibly love more than Xanadu- yes, it's true there is but ONE competitor in my heart for the affections of ELO (which is funny since people often compare both bands to the Beatles AND, Jeff Lynne produced Free As A Bird and Godley & Creme directed the video for Real Love- NERD ALERT). And that film would be 1980's Animalympics. I mean, listen to this. It STILL makes me bawl.

I am a nerd. Did I mention that? Oh. OK. Well I am one. Yep.

It Takes a Dump.

2008-04-02T14:58:00.002-04:00

You and me both, sister.

Thunks as always to PostSecret.

And he was an anti-Semite, which is wack.

2008-03-27T10:38:00.002-04:00

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." - Walt Disney

I think he's an anti-Union, Jew-hatin' creep. But I do grudgingly concede that this is a great comment. Damn you, Walt Disney! DAMN YOU AND YOUR INSIGHT!

"The Dirty Buggers."

2008-03-26T15:43:00.003-04:00

I am having a sick day at home, on the couch. I am loving my sick day. Except for the sick part. But here is what I am watching and I honestly cannot even tell you...you have to see it, to believe it. Enjoy these 3 segments of this series as found on YouTube. I highly recommend you watch them all when you have time just to hear the listing of the birds' names. Priceless. Check out How Clean Is Your House? on BBC America if you can! I love that Kim & Aggie.

Part One: CHARLEY BUBBLES BUM BUM BIRD!

Part Two: SLUGS!

Part Three: DRIED BIRD TURDS!

Puppy Vs. Robot!

2008-03-21T17:02:00.000-04:00

I am mezmerized!

Come See The Kissing Booth This Friday!

2008-03-13T21:11:00.002-04:00

The Kissing Booth is a monthly comedy showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. If you can't make the show, drop in for the FREE late nite dance party that begins directly after- cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

The Kissing Booth presents: Hooray for Hollywood!

WHERE: The Tank
279 Church Street b/t Franklin & Leonard, TriBeCa
WHEN: Friday March 14th
doors at 9:30 PM, show at 10:00 PM
COST: $5
$3 Bud Light available all night, $4 wine

Brandy & Sara, inspired no doubt by last month's Oscars Party Hi-Jinx, are headed for the big time- that's right, Hollywood. But how you say? With the help of their spanking new agent, the very talented JJ BeFaurghten. Come be a part of their meteoric rise to fame at the hands of this maestro, and see some comedy superstar stylings from:

Catie Lazarus!

Eliot Glazer!

Jon Friedman!

Anthony DeVito!

PLUS: Photos by the actual ANYA GARRETT ( www.anyagarrett.com), a rival comedy duo, comedy's finest blogger, guest appearances by KATINA CORRAO, ROB GORDEN & SEAN CRESPO, and THE RETURN OF THE DRUNKEN SHITTY KARAOKE FINALE!!! Be there!

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc
www.thetanknyc.org

Like Traffic & Weather.

2008-03-12T16:13:00.002-04:00

If you look close, you may be able to find a very drunk myself & Matt Sears, my dream date for this 100 person only concert on the deck of the Ship Peking at the South Street Seaport. Seriously can everyone just worship the amazing songwriting stylings of Fountains of Wayne RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE?!? Thanks for that.

Sean Crespo Has No Prior Knowledge: America's Next Top Model.

2008-03-12T14:04:00.003-04:00

My pal Sean asked me to come act like a turd for his very funny vlog at Television Without Pity. And wouldn't you just know- I did! Also this is not a picture of me but it is what came up when I typed "stupid models" into Google Image! WACKY ALERT!!!

Anyways please click over and check it out, they don't have an embeddable player so you have to make a quick trip to the site but GODAMMIT I AM FUCKING WORTH IT YOU SELFISH, ARROGANT TOAD!!!!!!

Ewww. Gross.

Songs What I Forgot: You're The Biggest Part Of Me, Ambrosia

2008-03-10T17:16:00.002-04:00

I have been on the phone all god-damned day for work and just now, when I got to the part where I was seriously about to SCREAM if I had to be on it for one more second and as I was on hold for yet another fucking 10 minutes, suddenly, this song came on on soothed the savage beast. This is AM Gold in its purest form and it makes me very, very happy and giddy and much less likely to tell the person on the other end of the phone to do as I say before I reach down their throat and punch them in the fucking heart. And hey, you can't hate an appearance by Merv Griffin, everyone's favorite elevator killer.

GO TO A BAR RIGHT NOW AND ORDER AN ABSOLUT VODKA.

2008-03-10T14:39:00.002-04:00

I am no corporate whore. But when it comes to comedians who I respect to the utmost, I may or may not change my tune. Absolut Vodka, I will buy your god-damned product because you gave Zach Galifianakis money to do an ad for you, with the caveat that he got to do whatever he wanted. And then, there was magic. Well done.

If you do not like Tim & Eric, then your name is Porter and you are my mean old roommate.

Thanks to Jos for this.

It Breaks My Heart, So Hard.

2008-03-07T12:25:00.005-05:00

Such is Ready For The Floor by UK folk-synth dance sensations Hot Chip. This song is so perfect in so many ways. When I hear it it makes me almost want to cry because it's such a chorus of pure joy, and fun and that one night you went out with your friends and got wasted to the perfect place where you were trashed but were in no danger of puking and you danced all night with the hottest tall guy ever who may or may not have been an Olympic volleyball player and then made out on the dance floor like you were on the deck a sinking ship and then you went to Del Taco, ate a shit-load of food with their dope green sauce on it, walked home and passed out in your awesome comfy bed- and woke up only mildly hung over because you drank a lot of Dr. Pepper before you went to sleep. And also you had an easily hidden but very much enjoyed hickey.

SERIOUSLY though, Why is it the Europeans can craft so many perfectly fearless shameless awesome anthems to getting out and just fucking dancing your ass off?! What is the hang up in America about this? Cut the yappin' and get to scratchin', people (ewwww, I admit I went too far there). I wonder if it's rooted in homophobia (re: ballet/dancing is for "fags"-sad, ignorant thinking that I hate to admit some people do), and/or some sort of puritanical distrust of anything remotely fun involving the human body, like some sort of slimy residue left over from from the early "settlers".

All I know is that when I watch this video and see that adorable scamp dancing his ass off in a 1/2 a Joker costume, I feel sad for everyone else who's missing out on this band and on that choice to go out and just shake a fucking tail-feather. Will someone please introduce me to a hot tall British man who has an unapologetic love of old school hip hip, 70's-early 90's r&b and new-wave dance magic? Because right about now, I think they are kind of like fabled unicorns in which I catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of my eye and then they're gone, galloping away with my palpitating heart.

Anyways you should go out and buy all the Hot Chip albums, right now.

3 Things Learned The Hard Way

2008-03-06T16:04:00.004-05:00

Thanks to my homey, E-Ski for this one.

1. You Teach People How To Treat You.

If someone walks all over you and you say it's OK, they'll do it again and again. You're saying "I'm not worth it, you don't have to respect me." While I'd like to think everyone that I care for would return that adoration by being respectful of boundaries, the fact is that the world just doesn't work that way. It's not easy when you're someone who always wants everyone to "like" you as I once did, to my own detriment. It's VERY Hard to confront people when you want very much for things to always be smooth sailing. But once you start doing it, it gets a helluva lot easier to say "You know what, you're being a dick. Cut it out or take a hike." This goes as much for romantic relationships as with friendships, natch.

2. Never apologize for liking what you like.
I have loved the movie Xanadu since I saw it when I was 6 years old. It makes me happy. In a world full of lies, bullshit and evil it is one of a handful of things that just transports me to somewhere fun and safe and enchanting. Is it a god-damned Ingmar Bergman masterpiece? No. Does it feature the lead from the Warriors AND an Australian country-Western singer gone pop mainstream superstar on roller skates? Hell, yes. And that right there is, to me, priceless. For so long, I felt kind of bad about this- especially in New York, the land of film school refugees clad in black cargo pants, Adidas Sambas and sporting goatees, who all want to reference Kurosawa while subtly stroking the semi-hard boner they've once again given themselves under the table. You know what? I want that time back. I want that time I wasted being unfair to myself to try and "fit in" with a bunch of cretins BACK. Point being- don't waste yours not being yourself.

3. Being financially independent is very, very attractive.
Rich people who were born with $100 bills jammed up their assholes are not financially independent. People who settle into marriages and proclaim they're totally happy being "stay at home Moms/Dads"- unless they have a couple of years of savings in the bank- aren't, either. Being financially independent to me means simply that you live within your means and you know what's going on with your money at all times. Not obsessive- not checking what Jim Cramer said about stocks on your iPhone every 5 minutes. And not blowing through cash like a drunken lottery winner from an Alabama trailer park in the K-Mart. And while we're at it, not going out to bars and waiting around trying to get drinks bought for you. Add that to the list. Buying your own fucking drinks and having enough cash to do so- now that is something. How about buying a round for a really great group of pals, just because? Because that's the kind of shit people who are financially independent can do because they know what the hell is up. They know when to spend and when to save. They don't whine about having no money and then eat out every night and expect you to, too. Nope. They know when rent is due and don't go out on a spending spree right before, and they have a $1 hot dog when needed without complaint to make sure that bills are paid on time. It's not quite cheap- because they are not stingy per se. They are sensible. Just being in charge of your financial well-being is great. And letting other people do it for you or influence you, that is lame.

Where Are Your Manners?

2008-03-06T15:53:00.004-05:00

Dear everyone,

It is just not nice, nor fair to take a hidden video of me lumbering around, squeaking thru yet another red-wine induced hangover. Shame on you.

Signed,

Me.

For Those Who Still Think It Exists.

2008-03-03T15:00:00.002-05:00

Hard To Live In The City, Albert Hammond Jr. (Live)

New York, New York, Cat Power (Live)

New York, I Love You, LCD Soundsystem

#2: Use A Strategy For Happiness.

2008-03-03T14:02:00.002-05:00

Today's entry in my new book obsession told me figure out what I wanted and then, develop a strategy to go after it. So here were my thoughts. Enjoy them in all their vapid splendor.

1. Put together an awesome outfit of muted charcoals and black, giving me plenty of leeway to prance about wearing my gold foil spike heels (which I may have ruined after Thanksgiving when I stepped in mud and demanded this be photographed as some sort of yuppie commentary on Williamsburg's condo explosion. I had had a lot to drink. Clearly.)

2. Listen to 50% more Chromeo (always a mood enhancer- "Fancy Footwork" will change your whole day)

3. Get my hair cut to morph into one that more closely resembles that of lovely Karen Elson (after all she managed to snag Jack White with it so it's obviously a winner).

Come On, Get Happy (dipshit).

2008-02-29T17:04:00.005-05:00

In an effort to balance my hectic life I have decided it is now time for me to re-read a book I grabbed a few years back. It's called The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People, by David Niven and I recall really enjoying it when I read it before. As I read each entry I think I will try to reflect on it in my blog, albeit probably in a really angry, mean way. I'm always true to myself, after all. THAT is a constant.

Today's entry was: Your Life Has Purpose & Meaning. Which, after initially reading, I scrawled simply, "What is my purpose?" I kind of want to pinch myself really hard right now, hard enough to leave bruise marks. And I'd also kind of like to know the answer. I know this, as of a few weeks ago it stopped being "to get really drunk and act like a jerk-face to the amusement of whoever happened to be close enough to hear my yammering".

What about you, dear readers? Do you know your purpose? Do tell.

Ain't Love A Kick?

2008-02-22T15:05:00.005-05:00

My pal Alty featured a link to this heart-warming, delightful article on her blog and I had to share. Sometimes I am sad that I haven't met the right person to be my husband yet...and then I read this, and darned if it didn't fill me with hope. So for all you love birds out there, enjoy!

MOUNT CLEMENS, Michigan (AP) -- A man who killed and dismembered his wife was sentenced Thursday to serve at least 50 years behind bars by a judge who called his actions "demonic."

Stephen Grant choked his wife, Tara, to death, then cut up her corpse in a machine shop. After the killing, he tearfully told reporters he wasn't involved in her disappearance.

"Stephen Grant is evil personified," Prosecutor Eric Smith said.

Grant, on the advice of his lawyer, did not speak during the sentencing.

A jury found him guilty in December of second-degree murder. Prosecutors had sought a first-degree murder conviction, but the jury could not unanimously agree that Grant's actions were premeditated.

The defense was seeking a sentence of 15 to 25 years. But Macomb County Circuit Judge Diane Druzinski agreed with the prosecution recommendation of a sentence of 50 to 80 years for the killing.

The judge called Grant's actions "demonic, manipulative, barbaric and dishonest." Grant also received six to 10 years for mutilating the body, to run concurrently with the longer sentence.

Grant, 38, showed little emotion during the hearing, although he looked troubled as Alicia Standerfer, Tara Grant's sister, described how the couple's two young children are struggling with the loss of their mother at the hands of their father.

"He's so much of a coward, he doesn't even look me in the eye in the courtroom," Standerfer said afterward.

Grant contacted the Macomb County sheriff's department on February 14, 2007, and said he had not seen his 34-year-old wife, an operations manager for a large construction firm, since they argued February 9 about her frequent business trips overseas.

On March 2, after allowing deputies with a search warrant inside his home, Grant borrowed a friend's pickup truck and drove away. The deputies found Tara Grant's torso in a container in the garage.

Authorities picked up Grant's trail by tracking cell phone calls that led them to Wilderness State Park, more than 200 miles north. He was found hiding under a tree and wearing only a shirt, slacks and socks in 14-degree weather.

During the trial, a jury heard a graphic, three-hour recorded confession Grant gave while being treated for frostbite and hypothermia at a hospital. They also heard testimony from the Grants' nanny, who said she had sex with Grant the night before he strangled his wife.

Songs What I Forgot: You Give Good Love, Whitney Houston.

2008-02-20T16:24:00.003-05:00

This song is the jam. This song, which I have had on repeat since roughly 2:30 PM or so today, makes me want to leave my desk right now, report directly to a happy hour, shotgun 3-5 glasses of a reasonably priced pinot noir, and then slow dance up close and personal like with someone, maybe let's say, someone I work with who may or may not have a girlfriend. Our actions together could include a ratty old b&w photo booth in the, oh I don't know, the Lakeside Lounge and the results would ensure that by week's end, he DEFINITELY would not have a girlfriend. This is not to say he'd become my boyfriend. I'd be too hungover to listen to him whining about how he thought he may have made a mistake to offer any sympathy or even my couch since his ass was kicked out of their Park Slope co-op- because no one and I repeat, NO ONE is moving into the Barber household until he does so by being legally married to my ass. No thunks.

Instead I'd fix a glare on him, blow a plume of smoke in his face and say "What do you want me to do about it, cupcake?" in a sort of raspy, exhausted Faye Dunaway voice- one that sounded like a come-on and a death threat at once, coated in honey and edged with a razor-y rasp. And that would be that.

Thanks Whitney, and thank you alcohol. You make things work out so nicely.

This was rediscovered as a direct result of my friend Wendy Ho and a delightful tribute to her from a sexy, sassy gal named Jazzmun. I am a new forever fan and plan to drop in to Club Cobra on my next California sojurn. Fierce, fabulous and oh, so Whitney-riffic- check out that link for a rendition to remember.

Songs What I Forgot: Bad Boy, Miami Sound Machine

2008-02-19T14:10:00.005-05:00

Wow. I mean, WOW.

My roommate Porter and I were discussing Miami Sound Machine the other night, do not ask me why (I was late for a wedding shower but could not resist the dissection of their first hit CD Primitive Love, which my Dad owned). And we both recalled this song gem with delight and fondness. It would be an understatement to say I absolutely used to LOVE this song. Surely, it was used in every mixed boys & girls dance class for the recital circa 1984, no? Because it sure as hell was in mine. "Bad" being the operative term.

Enjoy the alternate cast of "CATS", or, if the very suggestion of human adults clad in spandex and fake fur would cause you to have nightmares for the remainder of your earthly life, click here for an alternate take of the video (because one is NEVER enough when it comes to Gloria Estafan, people. GET IT RIGHT). Up to you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T16:52:00.000-05:00

An oldie but, a goodie!

Enjoy your day.

Also I am too lazy/busy/sick to write, sorry.

xoxoxo,

Me.

Honey's Bunnies @ The Kissing Booth [Uber NSFW]

2008-01-30T13:18:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all our fella comedian friends who came out for this and horrified/delighted us.

Enjoy!

The Kissing Booth: TONIGHT!

2008-01-25T14:31:00.000-05:00

The Kissing Booth presents: The Kissing Booth After, After-Dark

Friday, January 25th, 2008

THE TANK
279 Church Street between Franklin and White
Doors at 11:30pm

**Admission this month is FREE!
**Basement Dance Party to follow show with $3 Beers 'Til Dawn
**PLUS: FREE Shot if you arrive dressed in pajamas!

This month your hosts Brandy & Sara bring you an homage to Hugh Hefner's classic program Playboy After Dark, Kissing Booth style. Come be part of a hip, swinging bachelor-ette party, the kind of bash where guests drop in to chat, while cool people lounge in their swanky cocktail clothes exchanging bright ideas and being all jive. Show up in your own pajamas and you get a free shot. Join us for what is sure to be a night of smoking jackets, cognac, and suave, sophisticated sexism. And look who's going to drop by to mix and mingle:

JOHN F. O'DONNELL (host of Kingdom of Heaven, Comedy Central's Fresh Faces of Comedy)

GREG JOHNSON (host of the Greg Johnson & Larry Murphy Show)

Videos from GORDON & LUBELL ( www.Stashwax.com)

PLUS: Candy, dancing, men in bunny ears, shamelessness, and pictures of you looking all sizzling hot taken by our incredibly talented co-hort Nathan Kloke ( www.nathankloke.com ). And maybe, just maybe, a real live Kissing Booth!

http://www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

Cost: FREE!

Official Site: http://www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

Dance Dance Party Party!!

2008-01-23T00:31:00.000-05:00

Dance Dance Party Party (DDPP) is more than a dance party, it's a mother-effin' revolution! As seen in the pages of Time Out NY and Bust Magazine, this weekly NYC all-female jam fest something that I think you should check out very soon. And look here...

Laura House from Bust Magazine says:

Now in its second year in N.Y.C., DDPP has recently cropped up in Chicago and L.A. as well. No matter where the party starts the format is the same. It's held in a dance studio (everyone throws in $6-$8 for rental costs), lights are dimmed, and a 90-minute ipod set of stellar jams is cranked. A light machine spins in the corner as women spin through the room in their own blissful orbits, free from greasy guys leering or hipster chicks throwing 'tude. 'It feels weird at first, [co-organizer Glennis] McMurray says, 'but it's also awesome because you're with a bunch of other women having a bonding experience.' There is no formal instruction at DDPP, but there can be moments of what McMurray calls 'spontaneous choreography,' when participants can't resist restructuring famous steps like the zombie moves from 'Thriller,' or the 'Maniac' routine from Flashdance. 'The best part,' says McMurray, 'is when people are shy [at first] and then they get started and realize this really is an environment where no one is going to stare or judge.'"

To learn more about DDPP NY and our other locations visit www.dancedancepartyparty.com!

Cost: $6-$8

Official Site: http://www.dancedancepartyparty.com

My pals Glennis and Marcy are at the helm of this and I wanted to help spread the word- and so should you! Tell other lady pals to come on out and shake a tailfeather at DDPP. It just sounds like magical fun, now doesn't it?!?

I have been very sick.

2008-01-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

And so I have been on the couch, coughing up significant chunks of lung and drinking lots and lots and lots of broth. So much so, that I never want to have a bowl of soup, ever again. Even though laughing makes me have a hacking fit that ends in me wheezing uncontrollably for breath, I had to watch various episodes of this show, and I cannot stop howling with laughter at this fine commercial in general.

Do yourself the favor of checking Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job out. Life-changing.

Songs What I Forgot: Debut Edition!

2008-01-16T18:48:00.000-05:00

OK, so this came out when I was 14 and this, combined with a lot of "Need You Tonight" by INXS and my first sighting of a very young, very beautiful Keanu Reeves having fumbling sex in a sleeping bag in the terrifying cornerstone of stark 1980's teen angst films River's Edge was way too much for me to handle. HUMP OVERLOAD!!! I used to listen to this song a lot, so much in fact that I began to hate it and the CD it was off of. Which if I recall, was an early entry into my already budding collection that boasted the Eurythmics and Elvis Costello and the Attractions (OK that one may have been my Dad's but I liked to pretend it was mine).

Recently, I was out getting ridiculously drunk due to the open bar I was presented with starting at 5 PM during a producing showcase I attended with my frequent troublemaker and co-producer Alty. Sadly we decided we "needed" a nightcap (OK again, just me) and went to the nearby Slainte, where this song came on and I was pleasantly reminded of it being the jam and all. This version, with the fantastic MC Lyte guesting, is the sickest. Enjoy.

Check out my bird.

2008-01-09T14:22:00.000-05:00

So much to say and so bad at making the effort to do so. Sheesh. Perhaps this classy album cover can sum it up for me.

Nope, nope. Cancel that.

Hope everyone's New Year 2008 is going swimmingly. I myself have gone on a money diet and re-quit smoking. My cat had to have an enema and I am attempting to not be so negative and mean all the time.

Maybe I will write more later. Maybe I will not. OK, I will, we all know I totally will. Guys, don't go throwing yourself off a bridge in despair.

One thing that I've been meaning to do it to take this blog apart, removing a slew of old posts that no longer need to be accessible to the public eye. As I'm doing this month by month, scanning the archives, I promise to try and be better about frequent updates. And wave goodbye to anything where you can make anything other than a vague ID on me, because the trail of electronic litter is coming to a much needed end. Know that.

My Favorite Xmas.

2007-12-26T03:38:00.000-05:00

Enjoy! Best of the holidays to you and yours.

With: Sara Jo Allocco, Brandy Barber, Jay Bois, Katina Corrao, Peter Kassnove, Aaron Kheifets, Livia Scott, Matt Sears, and Baron Vaughn

Directed by Nathan Kloke & Brandy Barber

www.myspace.com/thekissingboothnyc

Wearing silk suits tryin' not to sweat.

2007-12-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

Here's what's up with me.

1) This playlist, over and over today:

Animal Collective "Who Could Win a Rabbit?"
Beenie Man "Dude (Panjabi Hit Squad Remix)"
Mavado "Weh Dem A Do"
The White Stripes "Hello Operator"
Tego Calderón "El Abayarde"
Dr Dog "Adeline"
Cat Power "Lived In Bars"
Wolfman "For Lovers"
The Stills "Still In Love Song"
The Rapture "House Of Jealous Lovers"
Gorillaz "Clint Eastwood (Ed Case Remix)"
Outkast "Bombs Over Baghdad"
Roll Deep "Heartache"
ARE Weapons "Don't Be Scared"
Dead Prez "Hell Yeah"
Cam'ron "Killa Cam"
Rick Ross "Hustlin'"
Young Jeezy "My Hood"
Swizz Beatz "It's Me Bitches"
Terror Squad "Take You Home"
R Kelly f. Akon & Sean Paul "Slow Wine (Remix)"
Akon "I Can't Wait"
NORE "Oye Mi Canto"
Damian Marley "Welcome to Jamrock"
Ladyhawk "My Old Jacknife"
Bill Callahan "Sycamore"
Lavender Diamond "You Broke My Heart"
The Strokes "Hard To Explain"
The Roots "Thought At Work (Original Version)"
Kanye West "Celebration"

2) Coveting and slobbering and plotting to obtain:

These are limited edition Yo! MTV Raps/Doug E. Fresh Pumas. The sickest. They have MC Shan and Big Daddy Kane ones, too. As Lianne Stokes would say, "That's sexual".

3) Lots and lots or Diet Dr. Pepper.

Peace be with you, bitches. More later.

Daddy's Girl.

2007-11-15T12:04:00.000-05:00

You can say all the fucked up nasty things you want about Ms. Amy Winehouse. She's a terror and I am frankly glad of the fact that she is out there making trouble for all who cross her path. She has a great sound that's a much more slick and tender homage to the big bad-ass ladies of Motown past than the mass produced pop tripe we get over here in the States. Although I love me some Christina Aguilera and hope someday to do some shots with her and dance on a cocktail round or two, our little X-tina wishes she was this raw, fun, and savage all in one. So, since I'm asking so very nicely, could everyone fucking shut up and stop shit-talking her? Because sometimes the reason something blows up is because it's GENUINELY GOOD. * Just because the masses have sniffed her out doesn't diminish the fact that she's a unique and important and awesome. Guess what? Nirvana was huge, too, whether they liked it or not.

And by the way, I dedicate this song to all the idiots I was forced to endure while drinking at the Whiskey this past Monday night with the Get Fresh Crew '07- Allocco, Manzella, Kloke and the like (and later, Von Poppelen & Hughes and Mister Jack Daniels, natch).

*Coldplay not included. Sorry, Allocco.

THE KISSING BOOTH THIS SATURDAY NITE!!!

2007-11-08T18:30:00.000-05:00

THE KISSING BOOTH is a monthly comedy showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. If you can't make the show, drop in for the FREE late nite dance party that begins directly after- cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

WE'RE BACK, FOOLS!!!

The Kissing Booth presents: HAPPY THUNKS-GIVING!!!

Nov. 10th, 2007
THE TANK
279 Church Street between Franklin and White
Doors and $3 beers at 10 pm
Show at 10:30 SHARP
Tickets $5 (cheap!)
FREE Basement Dance Party to follow with $3 Beers 'Til Dawn

After a year full of insanity, Brandy and Sara Jo are more than ready to reflect on the bounty of glad tidings bestowed upon them by giving obnoxious, drunken "THUNKS". And they've asked some smokin' hot comedy types to come out and help! Don't let the turkeys get you down, come out and savor the pumpkin pie flavor of:

ADAM WADE!

JOSELYN HUGHES!

CASSIDY HENEHAN!

JENNY RUBIN!

SHAYNA FERM!

DAN ALLEN!

...and videos from ANDREW CONDELL & DRINK AT WORK!

PLUS: a holiday heart warming lesson will be taught to Brandy and Sara by the 718 Cold Krumpin' Crew, candy, dancing, shamelessness, pictures of you looking all sizzling hot taken by our incredibly talented co-hort Nathan Kloke (www.nathankloke.com), and surely, A KRUMP OFF WILL ENSUE!

If you haven't been at a Booth show for a while, this is NOT TO BE MISSED. SEE YOU THERE! BRING YOUR DRUNK DANCIN' PALS!

It's Coming Up, Like Paul McCartney & Wings.

2007-11-08T18:24:00.001-05:00

FIRST THINGS FIRST: So I have been the world's worst blog-nerd as of late. I took some time off- say, two months or so- and did all kinds of things and was incredibly poor at being consistent in my updates. I am very sorry. What can I say, a lot was going down.

But now, I am back. And we are going to "do it up right, girl", "all NIGHT, girl"! I am going to "come correct" and it will be "all silky silky now". What? Ewwwww.

So, one of the things I got up to recently was getting to see one of my fave music type ladies live. I got my paws on a pair of prime tickets to see M.I.A. at the newly opened Terminal 5 and it was insane. Hands down one of the best shows I have ever been to. Such a great performer, so full of energy and her music combined with the cavernous space- which I hear used to be an airplane hangar- was intense. No one who went to this concert did not dance- NO ONE. M.I.A. and her music were infectious, not to mention her dope moves onstage (or those of her slinky back up dancer lady clad in hologram spandex to boot!). The video installations were intriguing and elicited so many cheers from the crowd I feel like they could have had their own show. All in all, one of the best live music gigs you could have been at and, danced on the damn stage at. And the little Ms. herself, after inviting half the crowd up there, managed to run them about and command them even though most of them were towering over her.

Man, I wish I hadn't gotten so drunk because I'd have grabbed a shirt. Ah, well. Next time.

All pix courtesy of a FLICKR search- thunks and thunks.

Halloween Part 1: Pucker Up.

2007-11-05T01:30:00.001-05:00

There are many, many parts, kind of like R. Kelly's Trapped In The Closet. More to follow. I am lazy and never around during the day to post anymore. So busy!

Check out the dress, bought directly from London and in full effect! I got to live my dream of being Geri Halliwell for a few nights. It was as awesome as could be expected, especially since I was a towering 6'2" in the white stripper platform boots I was sporting. I looked like a stag party entertainer, and it was just fine by me. I included a picture of the exact replicas (from a fancy catalog called Flirt which we used to get at the UCB box office, since prior to it being a comedy theater it had been a filthy strip joint). I'd have one posted of me in the actual boots but, I was so tall in them that I didn't fit into the shot, it was either waist down or waist up. Those who saw it in action will have it scarred into their brains forever more, of that I am sure.

More later.

State Farm.

2007-11-04T23:42:00.000-05:00

Here's a new video I was in, written by & starring my old pal Drew Condell, and produced by my pals at Drink At Work. Make sure and vote "funny" at the end!

Independent Subway.

2007-10-29T22:58:00.000-04:00

So, there's that.

Thanks as always to the fantastic, riveting and always gut-wrenching PostSecret. Buy their books.

Damp.

2007-10-27T01:59:00.000-04:00

The Daft Punk concert here in NYC involved a text message from my pal Kloke stating: "Let's concoct a rum-soaked scheme". It may well be the best text message I ever got. Enjoy this cool widget to check what's up with their upcoming album release. You must supply your own rum, however.

Mistakes Were Made.

2007-10-22T21:59:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note, if you meant to get Chromeo tickets and didn't you suck. The show is sold out now and it's their only US performance for a while, so...allow me to electronically taunt you with this link to the always happening Brooklyn Vegan.

Unless you happen to live in the UK or Canada, you snoozed and you lose-ed. I'm mostly sorry you won't be there in person to see myself and 4 close friends dressed up as none other than the Spice Girls. Oh yes, indeed. It's ON.

My Girl Is Callin' Me A Liar.

2007-10-16T03:05:00.000-04:00

Oh there are plans afoot for the Halloween week, mon amis. And they involve my fellow Columbia Graduate School pals. Yes, that's right, the funky funky Montreal meets NYC sounds of CHROMEO. I described them as such in a recent email: ...if you can imagine Keith Sweat had sex with Hall & Oates and invited Morris Day & The Time to come join, you'll get an idea of the musical stylings they provide.

Seriously, do yourself a fucking favor. Check out their upcoming super fun gig. Myself and a passel of my super dope accomplices will be there dancing, groping and talkin' all raw. I mean, I'm not inviting YOU per se- but you're more than welcome to come stare at us from across the venue and wish you were you know, like, cool enough to have been invited and all. Ain't no thang.

Click here for info and the like. Here's the fine print:

NY Mag Sponsors:

Ok, bye now.

Rocking Massive.

2007-10-15T23:40:00.000-04:00

New obsession, thanks to late night Sundance Channel viewing, has been decreed. It's Shameless, a British comedy-drama series that's in its 5th season. If only I had a DVD player capable of decoding regions (or the true graso of what the fuck that even means) I'd be thrilled to but all the prior DVDs but as it is, I shall have to suffer thru watching the early episodes bit by bit here. What's so alluring about the show to me is, that it's not escapism in any way- it documents estate life in Manchester- (sort of like being in the projects in Bensonhurst, if I'm to give my perhaps flawed idea of the class and the specific accent particular region). It's filmed in a really cool style, and the laughs in it are not kooky cut ups ala My Name Is Earl. The things that take place on the show and in the episodes are things that break your heart and make you laugh-like having a drunk parent that can't hold down a job and gets dropped off at your apartment by the cops after passing out and pissing his pants on a regular basis. OK, I find that funny, get fucked if you don't.

If you get a chance, check it out. It's something really special. Kind of reminds me of my briefly held, Summer of 1995 obsession with Neighbours and EastEnders, but with humor allowed in.

On that note, can someone with British citizenship marry me already? I mean, really.

Come On And Meet Me At The Rally.

2007-10-15T10:59:00.000-04:00

Porter sent me this video and I about died of joy. Please do yourself the service of watching it this very instant.

The Big(gest) Break Up.

2007-10-03T02:11:00.000-04:00

This past week, I had to leave one of the best relationships of my life. And I'm none too pleased about it. There was nothing I could do about it, nothing that could save it. I am, for lack of a better term, heartbroken.

Every day, there are moments of sheer despair where I realize- Oh my god. It's really, truly over. Lines were crossed, and there's no going back when that happens.

It's terrifying, not having the safety & security that I did before, but everything happens for a reason, and I just have to be open to that. I know this will get easier and the pain will pass...but until then, it sucks.

Let me say once and for all and on the record: I love you, Smoking. I will always love you. And I'm so sorry things had to end this way. But you and I were just not meant to be anymore. So go. Go forth and make all those cups of coffee, and debacherous drunken dance nights, and hungover awkward mornings with new, semi-nude friends all so much more vibrant. Just, no- don't say anything, just go.

Here's to a good run, kid.

The Kissing Booth- Tomorrow Nite!

2007-09-28T21:46:00.000-04:00

What, you ask, is THE KISSING BOOTH? Why, it's a monthly comedy showcase hosted by duo Brandy & Sara. Stand ups, sketch, songs, and more from NYC's premiere performers, always with a spectacularly drunken finale. If you can't make the show, drop in for the FREE late nite dance party that begins directly after- cheap booze all nite long. Pucker Up For Comedy!

The Kissing Booth presents: TALENT UNLIMITED!

September 29th, 2007
10:30 pm - $5 cover
Doors open at 10pm- come early and get your drink on pre-show!

The Tank
279 Church Street between Franklin and White

$3 Bud & Bud Lite All Nite Long!

As always, the kick ass dance party begins right when the show ends, SO STICK AROUND!

This month's THE KISSING BOOTH features guest hosts Amy Eckerson & Monica Delmonico from TALENT UNLIMITED casting! That's right, Brandy & Sara are taking some time off, but Amy & Monica are here to showcase some of theit newest talent finds from NYC, such as:

Emlyn Morinelli!

Sue Ball!

Videos from Aubrey Tennant!

Rob Lathan!

Sean Patton!

PLUS! A heart-warming, grave-defying visit from Bindi & Steve Irwin, a seminar from Kristi, Coco's Southern California Region #63 waitstaff service trainer, tech wizardry from our 3X Dope head writer MATT SEARS, photos of you looking all hot and shit taken by that firecracker Anya Garrett (www.anyagarrett.com), and lots of hi-jinx and capers and cutups!

SEE YOU THERE! BRING YOUR DRUNK PALS!